What is Love Mapping?

Examine yourself from a separate perspective. What is your reaction towards whenever you hear someone mention the length of their relationship, and it completely exceeds your preconceived notion about the length of typical relationships. You hear scoffs in the crowd, claps and oohs of bafflement. Perhaps you hear a dismissive joke or cajoling. But what do you see in the clumsy, honest engagement of something that extensive? Something perhaps fragile, dwindling? No, they are firmly engaged and bonded with one another. How is this possible?

The study of this certain phenomena, of such an extensive relationship with seemingly no secrets to divulge is the primary focus for many counselors and researchers of the romantic bond between partners within a relationship. There are multitudes of supposed solutions to the eventual question within most individuals’ lives: how can one make it ‘work’? One of the most prominent solutions however, instinctively done by the happiest and most successful of couples is a certain action described by the Gottman Institute as “Love Mapping”. This art is the simple act of communication, and discussing with each other about one’s desires, goals, likes, dislikes, etc.
This seems off. Odd, and unnecessary, no? However this assessment is incorrect. Humans in the modern day instinctively close themselves off while in the normal routine, as it is a base desire for security and safety. Without consciously doing so, one may find themselves unable to emotionally connect with a partner, without a mere clue as to the reasons. It is because of a lack of communication, a lack of processing emotions and thoughts together. Love mapping is the practice of sitting down and taking it upon yourselves to open up to one another, to understand and empathize, and support each other. It is a necessity in any bond or relationship of significance, and is even recommended in meaningful friendships to nurture the bond the friends share.

Love mapping is unnerving, and leaves one feeling vulnerable. This is, however, a normal occurrence as it is the granting of permission for another to peer into yourself, and understand what your needs are, and what you desire to accomplish. The advantages of love mapping regularly are plenty. It allows one to develop better skills to cope and reach solutions in the midst of relationship conflict. It allows for a more significant bond to form, rather than superficial interaction such as “How’s the weather?”. The superior method to maintaining a relationship is the act of communication to little end, and to better understand one another so that everyone’s lives are enhanced by the bond, rather than limited by it.

It is the responsibility of the partners in the relationship to maintain the bond they share. It is truly important they communicate with each other in order to fully support and enhance each others’ lives. After all, how can you truly care for someone you do not truly understand? Sit down, open up, and maybe making a point to have a deeper conversation with someone may lead to a better, more honest relationship.

Better communication applies to self talk, too

Here is one exercise to begin developing positive self-talk:

Write down some of the negative messages inside your mind.  Be specific, whenever possible, and include anyone you remember who contributed to that message.
Next, to those negative messages write down a positive truth in your life.  Don’t give up if you don’t find them quickly.  For every negative message there is positive,  keep looking until you find them.

For example, you might write, when you make a mistake, you think, “I can’t do anything right.” Right beside that negative statement, your positive message could be, “I accept my mistake and am becoming a better person.”

Positive self-talk is not self-deception, positive self-talk is about the truth, in situations and in yourself.  When negative events or mistakes happen, positive self-talk seeks to bring the positive out of the negative to help you do better, go further, or just keep moving forward.

Better communication applies to self talk, too

Here is one exercise to begin developing positive self-talk:

Write down some of the negative messages inside your mind.  Be specific, whenever possible, and include anyone you remember who contributed to that message.
Next, to those negative messages write down a positive truth in your life.  Don’t give up if you don’t find them quickly.  For every negative message there is positive,  keep looking until you find them.

For example, you might write, when you make a mistake, you think, “I can’t do anything right.” Right beside that negative statement, your positive message could be, “I accept my mistake and am becoming a better person.”

Positive self-talk is not self-deception, positive self-talk is about the truth, in situations and in yourself.  When negative events or mistakes happen, positive self-talk seeks to bring the positive out of the negative to help you do better, go further, or just keep moving forward.

Sandtray Play Beings for Inner Healing

When these beings are used in a sandtray and a story is created it can aid in healing older psychic wounds. They are make beautiful art pieces for the home, office, altar, etc.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/HealingPsyche?ref=search_shop_redirect
Customs are welcome.

It’s Not About the Nail

Talking to the Shadow

A topic was brought up briefly today and I want to explore it a little further in this blog post. Everyone has many facets to their personalities, different selves. One being the “dark side”, the dark passenger, or shadow self. In the Wiccan traditions, I have worked with getting in touch with the shadow self is essential to growing as a magickal practitioner. No, I did not spell magick wrong. Magick is different from magic. Magic is the stage show and slight of hand tricks. Magick refers to energy exchange, spell-work, and ritual work commonly found among Pagan religions.  Speaking from my personal experience if I did not work on my shadow self I would not be able to connect fully with myself, others, or the spiritual planes. We all think dark thoughts and we are all capable of dark things. Dark does not mean bad; when I say dark I am speaking of things like violence and death, which is not necessarily bad. Violence and death can be bad under certain circumstances like mugging and be killing someone for no reason. Violence and death can also be a blessing like if a police officer is stopping a domestic violence situation. Also, death is part of the cycle of creation and destruction. So to me, everything is on a spectrum, everything is gray, there is no black or white. To understand my higher self I need to explore my lower self. Exploring your shadow self or dark passenger can be scary and uncomfortable at the same time it is therapeutic to understand all parts of you. Once you understand something some of the fear goes away. Notice I said some fear goes away; it is good to have a healthy fear and understanding of the darker side of your being.This is a form of respect and acknowledgment of the power the shadow self-does have and is capable of if/when released out into the world.  It is healthy to meditate and have rituals of connection with all parts of your being (especially the darker parts) because if you can connect with yourself you have a greater chance and understanding of how to connect with others. In the sense that my weirdness understands and accepts your weirdness. If you would like to know more about connecting with your darker parts please feel free to contact me at 678-964-4739 or relationship.positive.therapy@gmail.com.

Book recommendation for rituals of connection with the Shadow Self:

Dark Moon Mysteries: Wisdom, Power, and Magic of the Shadow World  by Timothy Roderick

Link: https://www.amazon.com/Dark-Moon-Mysteries-Wisdom-Shadow/dp/0738747211?SubscriptionId=AKIAJ2F6RDUSIYCWQMFQ&tag=sa-b2c-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=0738747211

E31 – Polly needs a lawyer

Listen to “E31 – Polly needs a lawyer” on Spreaker.

David Hoffman was born and raised in Tampa, Florida, where he currently lives with his wife, two dogs, a cat and a hedgehog. Hoffman Law Firm, P.A. opened on February 14, 2014, serving clients throughout the Tampa Bay area in areas including divorce, child support, custody, dependency, and estate planning. It is the mission of Hoffman Law Firm to provide clients with affordable, personalized service. David is an active member of the Tampa community. He serves on the Board of Directors for the South Tampa Chamber of Commerce as their Consulting Attorney. Through the South Tampa Chamber, David volunteers his time to projects and events benefiting local businesses as well as military families and veterans. He is also a member of the Hillsborough County Bar Association, the LGBT Bar Association of Tampa Bay, and the Tampa Bay Inn of Court. David is currently in training to become a Kink Certified Professional. He works with kink, lifestyle and poly families to meet the unique their needs and offer a welcoming and inclusive experience.

Hoffman Law Firm 813-712-8713

david@hoffmanlawfirm.us

Facebook @Hoffmanlawfirmpa

Chronic Depression

Chronic Depression

When I was a teenager, I was told that I probably grew up depressed.  I have had reoccurring episodes of depression my entire life so I guess the term chronically depressed fits.  Most of time, I would say it doesn’t disrupt my life.  Everyone has natural ups and downs and as I have matured I have learned to recognize these and function quite well.  I think the difference is that I do not handle what everyone else would say is a normal life challenges well.  Losing a job, end of a relationship, divorce, death of a loved one—all send me down a spiral and a hole that is hard to crawl out of.   These are the times that I need professional help in the form of medication and therapy.  I’ve learned to recognize this too as I have matured.   The most important thing I have learned is to hide my depression from others.

Despite all of the information available about a host of mental illness’ including depression, there is still a stigma with being diagnosed.   Discrimination comes in many forms—educational opportunities, housing, and employment.   Sure, no one will come out and say that your diagnosis was the reason you were denied these things, but sometimes there is no other explanation.  In a right to work state like Florida, an employer really doesn’t have to have a “reason” for not hiring you or for termination.

There are social implications as well.  There are those who without even knowing the situation will ostracize a person once the diagnosis is disclosed.  I attended a relationship discussion group once where several people said that they would not even enter a relationship with someone who had ANY mental health diagnosis regardless of whether or not it was under control.  I was appalled and offended.   I have also learned that when my depression is not under control to hide it simply because people don’t want to be around a “sad” person and will naturally want to rid themselves of the negativity.

So I think there are many of my mentally ill brothers and sisters who hide their diagnosis. We are your family members, neighbors, and co-workers.  We are the cashier you buy coffee from as well as your child’s teacher.  We can be your mailman, repairman, or your lawyer.  Whether or not you want to be exposed to a mentally ill person, you are going to be.

Some things people may not know about me and my depression and I think others who have varied mental illness will relate to:

  • Don’t assume because I have a mental illness that I can’t do something. I function quite well at my job.
  • Don’t expect me to be “sad” all of the time even when I am severely depressed. I can go out to a party and actually have a good time.
  • Do invite me to your party or get together or just to hang out. I appreciate being made to feel wanted and included so please do invite me to things.
  • Don’t ask me if I have taken my medication after I complain about something you did or didn’t do. This is infuriating and it invalidates my feelings.
  • Don’t automatically fear me. Even though I have been a danger to myself in the past, I don’t have thoughts of harming others.

Executive Leadership, and Business Coaching and Development

Executive Leadership Coaching is a process that involves trained professionals whose function is that of encouragement, guidance, and support. They can be a muse and an acute observer to help an individual master their leadership or management performance and development. This process builds a leader’s capability to achieve short- and long-term organizational goals.

Business coaching is a process used to take a business from where it is now to where the business owner wants it to be. A business coach will assist and guide the business owner in growing their business by helping them clarify the vision of their business and how it fits in with their personal goals. The HarmonyUs team has helped many startups turn into successful and lucrative companies and supported individuals to achieve their entrepreneurial, educational, and career dreams.

Executive Leadership, and Business Coaching and Development

Executive Leadership Coaching is a process that involves trained professionals whose function is that of encouragement, guidance, and support. They can be a muse and an acute observer to help an individual master their leadership or management performance and development. This process builds a leader’s capability to achieve short- and long-term organizational goals.

Business coaching is a process used to take a business from where it is now to where the business owner wants it to be. A business coach will assist and guide the business owner in growing their business by helping them clarify the vision of their business and how it fits in with their personal goals. The HarmonyUs team has helped many startups turn into successful and lucrative companies and supported individuals to achieve their entrepreneurial, educational, and career dreams.