Self-care is not selfish

There are a number of ways, and reasons, to take care of yourself! It is not an indulgence, splurge or selfish to engage in an act of self-care. These little breaks allow us to be our best, for us and for those around us. Has it been so long since your last act of self-care that you don’t know what to choose? Check out this list:

134 Activities to Add to Your Self-Care Plan

Better communication applies to self talk, too

Here is one exercise to begin developing positive self-talk:

Write down some of the negative messages inside your mind.  Be specific, whenever possible, and include anyone you remember who contributed to that message.
Next, to those negative messages write down a positive truth in your life.  Don’t give up if you don’t find them quickly.  For every negative message there is positive,  keep looking until you find them.

For example, you might write, when you make a mistake, you think, “I can’t do anything right.” Right beside that negative statement, your positive message could be, “I accept my mistake and am becoming a better person.”

Positive self-talk is not self-deception, positive self-talk is about the truth, in situations and in yourself.  When negative events or mistakes happen, positive self-talk seeks to bring the positive out of the negative to help you do better, go further, or just keep moving forward.

Better communication applies to self talk, too

Here is one exercise to begin developing positive self-talk:

Write down some of the negative messages inside your mind.  Be specific, whenever possible, and include anyone you remember who contributed to that message.
Next, to those negative messages write down a positive truth in your life.  Don’t give up if you don’t find them quickly.  For every negative message there is positive,  keep looking until you find them.

For example, you might write, when you make a mistake, you think, “I can’t do anything right.” Right beside that negative statement, your positive message could be, “I accept my mistake and am becoming a better person.”

Positive self-talk is not self-deception, positive self-talk is about the truth, in situations and in yourself.  When negative events or mistakes happen, positive self-talk seeks to bring the positive out of the negative to help you do better, go further, or just keep moving forward.

What is Dating Violence?

Consider the question: what is violence? Is it bloodshed, the art of drawing sanguine life from another? Perhaps it may be the act of simple aggression, or the application of force upon another. Does it involve danger, death, or otherwise? Violence is an idea pondered by many to be associated with negative actions, negative emotions, and wounds resulting. What happens when there is no safety to be had from this violence; when violence grows to plague your attempts at romantic pursuits?


First, the nature of Dating Violence should be considered, and what it involves. Dating Violence is illegal, aggressive behavior propagated between two individuals, from one unto another, in a marital, dating, or deeper relationship, even up to six months after that relationship has been ended (defined by the police department of the University of Florida). These aggressive behaviors involve emotional, verbal, even physical abuse that results in harm or long term injury. Sexual abuse as well falls under this jurisdiction, such as non consensual sexual interaction or otherwise.

Dating Violence is a plague upon the pursuit of romantic relationships. When propagated at young ages, or at any age for that matter, a lack of treatment and assistance may place individuals involved into higher risk of expanding and increasing the severity of such violent acts, creating trauma or other problems. As a grim reminder of the severity of this concept and effect, Loveisrespect.org claims the attempted suicide rate of abused male and female victims are around 50%, compared to 12.5% of non-abused women, and 5.4% of non-abused men. This is a staggeringly large increase in the trauma as a result of this abuse.

Perhaps the threat of such a thing may never occur around you. It is a simple endeavor to fall within the roundabout way of thinking: ‘it does not affect me directly, so it is not important to me’. There is logic in this argument, however ignorance of the prevalent threat. Loveisrespect.org as well provides that merely 33% of teen relationships actually come forward and call attention to the abuse. The majority, approximately 58%, of adult parents were unable to identify signs of Dating Violence and abuse within their child’s or children’s relationships. How can this provide insight into the pervasiveness of such a problem within dating in modern day? This means the majority of individuals who take upon themselves to simply ignore the concept of Dating Violence on the belief it does not occur around them most likely cannot accurately identify the signs of abusive relationships. It may be around you, and it may be you who chooses to ignore it.

Dating violence is a serious concern. A matter for which has become moderately shewn into the forefront of our focus. To improve the quality of life, and general happiness and well-being of the population, and prevent further trauma from the plagues of such abuse and violence, it is vital to educate oneself and learn the warning signs of such behavior, before they occur. If you remain in an abusive relationship, you must contact assistance from Emergency Services, or local assistance as quickly as possible. Do not let the suffering suffer from lack of action. You are worth more than you’d care to know.

St. Pete Pride 2019

Confetti streaming in all directions, whistles blowing in the ear. The triumphant roars of “Happy Pride” shake the foundations of the Dali Museum. The Pride March and Festival of St. Pete and Tampa Bay of June 22nd – 23rd proved a remarkable display of unity and solidarity.

The festivities were held in spectacular fashion. Between the metallic armored drag queens and the abundance of music and beads, it is extremely difficult to resist the throes of the passionate crowd. Even the surrounding locale seemed moved with spirit with the festivities, as rainbows and flags seem to sprinkle the city in a cascading spectrum of prideful colors. With aide of various businesses and companies, the event seemed able to fulfill it’s wildest dreams. I reiterate, it is difficult to avoid dancing along with a pirate ship of activists blasting “People Like Us” by Kelly Klarkson.

Overall, the event seemed a wondrous success. A true display of a united front of people from all histories, personalities, genders, and groups, under a common goal of ending discrimination and promoting the general wellbeing for all. It concluded, leaving a sense of understanding and celebration within all who participated.

Constructing the scene for one of the Parade exhibits proved to be an interesting affair. Meeting upon the lawn of a gracious landlord, it began quietly. However excitement proved to grow with each arriving member of the section, as people frantically adorned in designs that would cause Roy G. Biv envy, there was a sense of urgency to be found in the desire to ‘make the mark’. Of course, a singular float was not alone. Stretching between dozens and dozens of floats, each participant in the affair desired to make their stance with pride with grace and fiery passion. The atmosphere of dance, community, and collaboration was infectious, and spread to the locals passing by and leaving smiles in their wake.

The hard part, of course, would be the next section. The waiting. For some time, each member awaited for their chance to reveal their effort and emotion in the name of Pride with anticipation, undeterred by the suns rays. But once emerged into the open, with a sea of laughter, screams, and cheering, the wait became a dream come true for most. Suddenly, the march had put it’s supporters into the grand spotlight, and was received with flair. Songs rang through the night air, beads soared, and the words “Happy Pride” and other cheers could be heard from miles around.

As for the Festival, the sweltering summer sun of the sunshine state would not stop the rainbow fever. Food, games, arts, crafts, and a healthy plenty of flags stirred up the area, prompting a wonderful reception from the city. With teamwork of the individuals involved, the city became a celebratory sanctuary for all people. 

The Pride of St. Pete and Tampa Bay is rich and powerful, it’s inspiring effect seen across seas and flatlands abound. With this display, we can see that the two cities have a powerful community, and will not stand for anything less than equality and understanding of all peoples.

Coping with Divorce, During and After

In some cases divorce is the only option somebody has to choose to be happy –both ways. Either the spouses have fallen out of love or something occurred along the way during the married years that had caused such drawback, or the marriage was badly planned at the start. Such reasons could happen to anyone, including you or your spouse. The bad thing for such event is if you’re on the receiving end of the disaster. Your spouse will decide divorce is the best way to break free and you have to decide a divorce because you are both… incompatible; with irreconcilable differences.

Coping with divorce especially if you are the receiving end of the disaster is a mighty hill to climb. But it is a hill you MUST climb since a divorce is only inevitable. Prolonging it would only prolong your sentence. To get on with your life you have to focus. Here are a few guidelines that should help bring you right on track.

Start Sooner!

 Starting over can be an overwhelming and disheartening endeavor, especially if you are still in a brokenhearted state. Because marriage is not just a legal technicality, brokenhearted state is just one emotional stage you’re going to experience. You have to recognize the predictable emotional stages that would definitely surface if your going to help yourself.

Probably the fist barrier coping with divorce early is Denial. You have to decide quickly. Is it truly happening? Is it just hearsay? Can you still patch it out? Denial often is the reason why marriages become so hopelessly lost. Anger and Resentment is usually the next tide of emotional stage. To save you from certain sorrow, first mechanism is getting angry. Then the next would be the shameless episode of Bargaining. This stage should be tackled considerably. It can save marriages and it can destroy self-esteem utterly. For most occasions, it is advisable to save bargaining except if it is really clear that there would be reconciliation if a change should occur. Once bargaining fails, Depression sets in. This is a very critical emotional stage, as most self destructive habits and activities a\surface in this stage. After all that is Acceptance and a new slate of life.

Coping up with divorce on this stage requires a dedicated time for introspection. No, there are no remedies for these. These problems are meant to be faced. The best you can do is: have a good meal, then a walk to the park to clear your head. Do something out of the ordinary and do something laidback; the sort that could allow you to think without breaking down. Tai Chi is very good for such purpose. Meditation and the exercise will occupy your mind while having some conscious capability to think things through. Think it by facts, not by emotional feelings. The faster you are to let go of those feelings the more easily your burden of coping with divorce will be.

 

Talking to the Shadow

A topic was brought up briefly today and I want to explore it a little further in this blog post. Everyone has many facets to their personalities, different selves. One being the “dark side”, the dark passenger, or shadow self. In the Wiccan traditions, I have worked with getting in touch with the shadow self is essential to growing as a magickal practitioner. No, I did not spell magick wrong. Magick is different from magic. Magic is the stage show and slight of hand tricks. Magick refers to energy exchange, spell-work, and ritual work commonly found among Pagan religions.  Speaking from my personal experience if I did not work on my shadow self I would not be able to connect fully with myself, others, or the spiritual planes. We all think dark thoughts and we are all capable of dark things. Dark does not mean bad; when I say dark I am speaking of things like violence and death, which is not necessarily bad. Violence and death can be bad under certain circumstances like mugging and be killing someone for no reason. Violence and death can also be a blessing like if a police officer is stopping a domestic violence situation. Also, death is part of the cycle of creation and destruction. So to me, everything is on a spectrum, everything is gray, there is no black or white. To understand my higher self I need to explore my lower self. Exploring your shadow self or dark passenger can be scary and uncomfortable at the same time it is therapeutic to understand all parts of you. Once you understand something some of the fear goes away. Notice I said some fear goes away; it is good to have a healthy fear and understanding of the darker side of your being.This is a form of respect and acknowledgment of the power the shadow self-does have and is capable of if/when released out into the world.  It is healthy to meditate and have rituals of connection with all parts of your being (especially the darker parts) because if you can connect with yourself you have a greater chance and understanding of how to connect with others. In the sense that my weirdness understands and accepts your weirdness. If you would like to know more about connecting with your darker parts please feel free to contact me at 678-964-4739 or relationship.positive.therapy@gmail.com.

Book recommendation for rituals of connection with the Shadow Self:

Dark Moon Mysteries: Wisdom, Power, and Magic of the Shadow World  by Timothy Roderick

Link: https://www.amazon.com/Dark-Moon-Mysteries-Wisdom-Shadow/dp/0738747211?SubscriptionId=AKIAJ2F6RDUSIYCWQMFQ&tag=sa-b2c-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=0738747211

E31 – Polly needs a lawyer

Listen to “E31 – Polly needs a lawyer” on Spreaker.

David Hoffman was born and raised in Tampa, Florida, where he currently lives with his wife, two dogs, a cat and a hedgehog. Hoffman Law Firm, P.A. opened on February 14, 2014, serving clients throughout the Tampa Bay area in areas including divorce, child support, custody, dependency, and estate planning. It is the mission of Hoffman Law Firm to provide clients with affordable, personalized service. David is an active member of the Tampa community. He serves on the Board of Directors for the South Tampa Chamber of Commerce as their Consulting Attorney. Through the South Tampa Chamber, David volunteers his time to projects and events benefiting local businesses as well as military families and veterans. He is also a member of the Hillsborough County Bar Association, the LGBT Bar Association of Tampa Bay, and the Tampa Bay Inn of Court. David is currently in training to become a Kink Certified Professional. He works with kink, lifestyle and poly families to meet the unique their needs and offer a welcoming and inclusive experience.

Hoffman Law Firm 813-712-8713

david@hoffmanlawfirm.us

Facebook @Hoffmanlawfirmpa

Unprecedented Domestic Violence Study Affirms Need to Recognize Male Victims

This is a reposting from 2013 Source: http://www.prweb.com/releases/2013/5/prweb10741752.htm New York, NY (PRWEB) May 21, 2013 The most comprehensive review of the scholarly domestic violence research literature ever conducted concludes, among other things, that women perpetrate physical and emotional abuse, as well as engage in control behaviors, at comparable rates to men. The Partner Abuse State of Knowledge project, or PASK, whose final installment was just published in the journal Partner Abuse, is an unparalleled three-year research project, conducted by 42 scholars at 20 universities and research centers, and including information on 17 areas of domestic violence research. “Over the years, research on partner abuse has become unnecessarily fragmented and politicized,” commented John Hamel, Editor-in-Chief of Partner Abuse and PASK Director. “The purpose of this project is to bring together, in a rigorously evidence-based, transparent and methodical manner, existing knowledge about partner abuse, with reliable, up-to-date research that can easily be accessed by anyone. PASK is grounded in the premises that everyone is entitled to their opinion, but not to their own facts; that these facts should be available to everyone, and that domestic violence intervention and policy ought to be based upon these facts rather than ideology and special interests.” Among PASK’s findings are that, except for sexual coercion, men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons. “Although research confirms that women are more impacted by domestic violence,” stated Hamel, “these findings recommend important intervention and policy changes, including a need to pay more attention to female-perpetrated violence, mutual abuse, and the needs of male victims.” Hamel also argues that men are not only disproportionately arrested in domestic violence cases, but sometimes arrested for arbitrary reasons, citing, for example, that police often arrest the bigger and stronger party in cases where the perpetrator is unclear. “Such policies are not only ineffective but violate people’s civil rights,” Hamel concludes. “People in the domestic violence field say that ‘it’s all about the victims.’ Well, the victim is not always the one hit, but sometimes the one arrested.” Read more about the Partner Abuse State of Knowledge Project, or visit the world’s largest domestic violence research database at http://www.domesticviolenceresearch.org for free access to thousands of pages summarizing 1,700 peer-reviewed studies. Watch an interview clip with John Hamel discussing PASK’s key findings and policy implications. For more information or to schedule an interview with John Hamel, contact Dara Salem at dsalem(at)springerpub(dot)com, or at 212-804-6236.