Montezuma’s Revenge

Last night I ate hot spicy food with friends. I can assure you that I have suffered no after effects, and certainly nothing of the nature of Montezuma’s Revenge.

Revenge is an emotive word, charged with anger and irrational energy. Sadly, when marriages breakdown people lose control as the desire for vengeance reigns supreme. Hence wives really do slash their husbands’ clothes; husbands really do post unsavoury offerings through their wives’ letterboxes; both sexes really do make telephone calls to third parties aiming to hurt their other half but succeeding also in involving more people in the hurt and misery they are suffering.

Spare a thought for the poor solicitors in the middle. They do genuinely try to bring a sense of calm to the situation but when their client is a loose cannon their task is often a hopeless one.

Needless to say the aggressor eventually runs out of steam and generally feels quite shamed-faced, whilst the object of the aggression emerges morally victorious despite whatever philandering or dastardly deed brought on the attack in the first place.

Originally published on 26 September 2007

To Russia with Love

There are various ways to conduct ourselves when a marriage breaks down and whilst I did not recommend Stepford two weeks ago, I remain a firm believer in alternative remedies where appropriate. Another that I do not recommend however was highlighted in the media today and should be a dire warning for any man contemplating a move to Russia with his loved one.

In the case reported, the couple, who had divorced 3 years before, had been forced to continue to live together in a small flat resulting in increasing acrimony between them. Presumably in desperation, the former wife took matters into her own hands when her ex-husband gave her an easy opportunity to inflame the situation still further. So whilst he was naked on the sofa, drinking vodka and watching TV, she leaned over and set his penis alight! I have a hunch, although the report was silent on the point, that the vodka may have helped. Needless to say the husband is quoted as telling reporters that “It was monstrously painful, I was burning like a torch.”

Now before anyone reading this gets ideas, can I just stress that here in the UK whilst you can still end up in the unhappy situation of living in the same home after a divorce has been finalised, a court does reserve the power to decide the outcome of a home’s ownership and even in the case of a rented property which of the couple can continue living there. This will take a little time but pending a decision and in the event of abuse or violence (a description that would undoubtedly encompass this woman’s actions), the court can also make an injunctive order excluding the perpetrator from the home.

Originally posted on 23 August 2007

Collaborative Family Law Brings Out The Best In People Amidst A Difficult Situation

There is no way around it. Divorce is hard. But let's forget about the actual legal process of getting a divorce for a moment, and simply consider the circumstances leading up to it. Even when both parties have agreed to end the marriage, it can be a dreadfully painful experience. Many people have said [...]

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