The Advantages of Online Dating for Women

The Advantages of Online Dating for Women

In the past, i.e. the 1990’s, online dating was a brand new idea. Unlike today, most people did not own PC’s or even have access to the internet. Times have changed. Online dating is not only IN the mainstream, it IS the mainstream.

There are many reasons for the phenomenal growth of online dating sites and the number of people, men and women of all ages, races and religions who use them as their primary source for meeting people and looking for “the one”.

If you don’t believe me, just ask your friends in the “real” world. If they are honest, most of them will tell you they have or are using an online dating service.

Here are three good reasons why thousands of people sign up for dating services everyday:

  • You can be anonymous. You will never be required to give your real name, address, email address, phone number or place of employment to another online user. You, of course, may do so but only at your own discretion and only when you feel completely safe. You are not required to post a picture of yourself. Posting a picture, however, will get more responses to your profile. So you can surf through the other members on the dating site you have joined with complete anonymity.

 

  • You have so many more choices online that you do in your brick and mortar world. Before the world of online dating came of age, the choice of friends and even of lifetime partners was limited to those we came in contact with through college or work. No more…the world is your oyster. You can go through hundreds…even thousands of profiles to find the right man for you.

 

  • The “safety factor” is the biggest reason of all. An online dating service will never reveal your personal information. You get to choose who has that information and when they have it.

Amy Poehler Apologies

Amy Poehler wrote a memoir and had a chapter about apologies. She wrote one ‘from the head’ and one ‘from the heart’. I found the comparison very powerful. Apology letter from The Brain Hey there. I’m sorry, but can I say something? Look, I admit, I wasn’t perfect. No one is perfect. That’s a fact. [...]

The post Amy Poehler Apologies appeared first on Collaborative Divorce Attorney in Raleigh, NC - Springfield Collaborative Divorce, offices in Durham & Raleigh.

Handling Authentication Requests with Selenium – Part 3: Beyond Basic Authentication

In the last post in this series, we saw the general procedure for handling authentication requests with Selenium and a web proxy:
  • Start the programmable proxy
  • Start a Selenium session configuring the browser to use the proxy
  • Wire up a method to intercept the 401 Unauthorized response
  • Use the method to resend the request with the correct Authorization header value
As we noted previously, the use of the Basic HTTP authentication scheme is rather weak. There are other authentication schemes that don't require the sending of a password in plain text over the wire. One such case is HTTP Digest authentication. Let's see what that looks like. First, let's navigate to a page that implements Digest authentication, and examine what we see. As before, we'll use the hosted version of The Internet at http://the-internet.herokuapp.com/ Browser sends: GET http://the-internet.herokuapp.com/digest_auth HTTP/1.1 Host: the-internet.herokuapp.com User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Macintosh; Intel Mac OS X 10.14; rv:67.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/67.0 Accept: text/html,application/xhtml+xml,application/xml;q=0.9,*/*;q=0.8 Accept-Language: en-US,en;q=0.5 Accept-Encoding: gzip, deflate Connection: keep-alive Upgrade-Insecure-Requests: 1 Browser receives back: HTTP/1.1 401 Unauthorized Connection: keep-alive Content-Type: text/plain Content-Length: 0 Www-Authenticate: Digest realm="Protected Area", nonce="MTU1ODkwNDI2MyBkYjYzMTA0ZTY0NmZjNmZhNDljNzQ2ZGY0ZTc3NDM4OA==", opaque="610a2ee688cda9e724885e23cd2cfdee", qop="auth" Server: WEBrick/1.3.1 (Ruby/2.2.5/2016-04-26) Date: Sun, 26 May 2019 20:57:43 GMT Via: 1.1 vegurTTP/1.1 200 OK  Note the value of the WWW-Authenticate header, which is considerably more complex than in the Basic authentication scheme case. The algorithm for figuring out the correct value for the Authorization header is likewise much more complex, which, in the simplest case, involves getting the MD5 hash of the string "userName:realm:password", then the MD5 hash of the HTTP verb and the URL of the resource being requested, then getting the Base64-encoded string of those two hashes along with the "nonce" value send in the authenticate header. Whew. That's an awful lot to keep straight. Probably a little too complicated to post the code for resolving all of the nuances of it within this blog post. So it's time to introduce a new library to add to our toolbox for calculating the authorization header value for any of a variety of authentication methods. That library is called PassedBall, and it's available both on GitHub and as a NuGet package. Since PassedBall supports Digest authentication, and using the same process as in our previous post, here's the implementation of the method to intercept and resend the HTTP request: Now that we have a library and generic framework for the generation of arbitrary authentication schemes, we'll look at one last approach for authentication, one that uses connection semantics for authentication, NTLM authentication.

Talking to the Shadow

A topic was brought up briefly today and I want to explore it a little further in this blog post. Everyone has many facets to their personalities, different selves. One being the “dark side”, the dark passenger, or shadow self. In the Wiccan traditions, I have worked with getting in touch with the shadow self is essential to growing as a magickal practitioner. No, I did not spell magick wrong. Magick is different from magic. Magic is the stage show and slight of hand tricks. Magick refers to energy exchange, spell-work, and ritual work commonly found among Pagan religions.  Speaking from my personal experience if I did not work on my shadow self I would not be able to connect fully with myself, others, or the spiritual planes. We all think dark thoughts and we are all capable of dark things. Dark does not mean bad; when I say dark I am speaking of things like violence and death, which is not necessarily bad. Violence and death can be bad under certain circumstances like mugging and be killing someone for no reason. Violence and death can also be a blessing like if a police officer is stopping a domestic violence situation. Also, death is part of the cycle of creation and destruction. So to me, everything is on a spectrum, everything is gray, there is no black or white. To understand my higher self I need to explore my lower self. Exploring your shadow self or dark passenger can be scary and uncomfortable at the same time it is therapeutic to understand all parts of you. Once you understand something some of the fear goes away. Notice I said some fear goes away; it is good to have a healthy fear and understanding of the darker side of your being.This is a form of respect and acknowledgment of the power the shadow self-does have and is capable of if/when released out into the world.  It is healthy to meditate and have rituals of connection with all parts of your being (especially the darker parts) because if you can connect with yourself you have a greater chance and understanding of how to connect with others. In the sense that my weirdness understands and accepts your weirdness. If you would like to know more about connecting with your darker parts please feel free to contact me at 678-964-4739 or relationship.positive.therapy@gmail.com.

Book recommendation for rituals of connection with the Shadow Self:

Dark Moon Mysteries: Wisdom, Power, and Magic of the Shadow World  by Timothy Roderick

Link: https://www.amazon.com/Dark-Moon-Mysteries-Wisdom-Shadow/dp/0738747211?SubscriptionId=AKIAJ2F6RDUSIYCWQMFQ&tag=sa-b2c-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=0738747211

Handling Authentication Requests with Selenium – Part 2: Using a Web Proxy for Basic Authentication

As I mentioned in the immediately prior post in this series, the way to avoid having the browser prompt for credentials while using a Selenium test is by supplying the correct information in the Authorization header. Since Selenium's focus is automating the browser as close to how a user does so as possible, there's not a built-in way to examine or modify the headers. However, Selenium does make it very easy to configure the browser being automated to use a web proxy. A web proxy is a piece of software that stands between your browser and any request made of a web server, and can be made to examine, modify, or even block requests based on any number of rules. When configured to use a proxy, every request made by your browser flows through the proxy. Many businesses use proxies to ensure that only authorized resources are being accessed via business computers, or making sure that requests only come from authorized computers, or any number of other legitimate business purposes. How do you configure your browser to use a proxy with Selenium? The code looks something like this: Since we're Selenium users, we'll be using a proxy that allows us to programmatically start and stop it, and hook into the request/response chain via our code, and modify the results in order to interpret and replace the headers as needed. Any number of proxies could be used in this project. Many Selenium users have had great success using BrowserMob Proxy, or there are commercial options like Fiddler. Since I personally prefer FOSS options, and don't want to leave the .NET ecosystem, for our examples here, we'll be using BenderProxy. Here's the code for setting that up. Now, how do we wire up the proper processing to mimic the browser's processing of an authentication prompt? We need to implement the addition of an Authorization header that provides the correct value, for the authentication scheme requested by the server. BenderProxy's OnResponseReceived handler happens after the response has been received from the web server, but before it's forwarded along to the browser for rendering. That gives us the opportunity to examine it, and resend another request with the proper credentials in the proper format. We're using the Basic authentication scheme in this example, and once again using The Internet sample application. Here's the code for the method: Running the code, we'll see that when the Selenium code is run, the browser will show the authorized page, as we intended. As you can tell from the implementation code, Basic authentication is pretty simple, sending the Base64 encoding of "userName:passsword". Its simplicity is also one reason it's not used very often, as it sends the credentials across the wire, essentially in clear text. There are other, more secure authentication schemes available, and they can be automated in similar ways. The trick is knowing how to specify the value for the Authentication header. In the next post in the series, we'll look at another authentication mechanism, and how to handle something a little more complicated.

Handling Authentication Requests with Selenium – Part 1: How Does Browser Authentication Work Anyway?

In order to understand how to use browser technologies to automate pages that use some form of authentication, it is useful to know what happens when you browse to such a page. What's actually happening when your browser prompts you for some form of credentials, usually a user name and password, before it will let you access a given resource on the web? At the risk of dropping down to a ridiculously low level, let's talk about how browsers transfer data for browsing websites. First, an obligatory disclaimer. I'm going to deliberately gloss over using pages served via secure HTTP ("https"), and I'm going to ignore mostly-binary protocols like HTTP/2 for this series. Those items, while important, and may impact the outcomes you see here, are beyond the scope of this series. Most of the time, a browser is using the Hypertext Transfer Protocol (or HTTP) to communicate with a given web server. When you type in a URL in your browser's address bar, your browser sends off an HTTP request (that's what the "http://" means at the beginning of the URL), and receives a response from the server. For the following examples, we'll be using Dave Haeffner's excellent Selenium-focused testing site, The Internet, which is designed to provide examples of challenging things a user might encounter when automating web pages with Selenium, and a hosted version of which is available at http://the-internet.herokuapp.com. Here's what a typical exchange might look like: Browser sends: GET http://the-internet.herokuapp.com/checkboxes HTTP/1.1 Host:the-internet.herokuapp.com User-Agent:Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 10.0; Win64; x64; rv:66.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/66.0 Accept:text/html,application/xhtml+xml,application/xml;q=0.9,*/*;q=0.8 Accept-Language:en-US,en;q=0.5 Accept-Encoding:gzip, deflate Connection:keep-alive Upgrade-Insecure-Requests:1 Browser receives back: HTTP/1.1 200 OK Connection: keep-alive Content-Type: text/html;charset=utf-8 Content-Length: 2008 Server: WEBrick/1.3.1 (Ruby/2.2.5/2016-04-26) Date: Thu, 23 May 2019 23:44:54 GMT Via: 1.1 vegur <body of HTML page here> This is what happens for virtually every time a browser makes a request for a resource. The important thing to note is in that first line of the response. The "200 OK" bit means that the server had the resource and was sending it in response to the request. Now let's look at a request for a resource that is protected by authentication: Browser sends: GET http://the-internet.herokuapp.com/basic_auth HTTP/1.1 Host: the-internet.herokuapp.com User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Macintosh; Intel Mac OS X 10.14; rv:67.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/67.0 Accept: text/html,application/xhtml+xml,application/xml;q=0.9,*/*;q=0.8 Accept-Language: en-US,en;q=0.5 Accept-Encoding: gzip, deflate Connection: keep-alive Upgrade-Insecure-Requests: 1 Browser receives back: HTTP/1.1 401 Unauthorized Connection: keep-alive Content-Type: text/html;charset=utf-8 Www-Authenticate: Basic realm="Restricted Area" Content-Length: 15 Server: WEBrick/1.3.1 (Ruby/2.2.5/2016-04-26) Date: Thu, 23 May 2019 23:52:24 GMT Via: 1.1 vegur Note the all-important first line of the response, which says "401 Unauthorized". That tells us that we have a page that requires authentication. Note that if you asked your browser to browse to the page http://the-internet.herokuapp.com/basic_auth, you would have been prompted for a user name and password. Note in the response the line that says Www-Authenticate: Basic realm="Restricted Area". That tells the browser that the "Basic" authentication scheme is expected, and that the user's user name and password are required, and so the browser prompts you, and then it re-sends the request to the server, but with an additional header. If you used the proper credentials for the aforementioned URL (user name: admin, password: admin), you'd see something like the following: Browser sends: GET http://the-internet.herokuapp.com/basic_auth HTTP/1.1 Host: the-internet.herokuapp.com User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Macintosh; Intel Mac OS X 10.14; rv:67.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/67.0 Accept: text/html,application/xhtml+xml,application/xml;q=0.9,*/*;q=0.8 Accept-Language: en-US,en;q=0.5 Accept-Encoding: gzip, deflate Connection: keep-alive Upgrade-Insecure-Requests: 1 Authorization: Basic YWRtaW46YWRtaW4= Browser receives back: HTTP/1.1 200 OK Connection: keep-alive Content-Type: text/html;charset=utf-8 Content-Length: 1643 Server: WEBrick/1.3.1 (Ruby/2.2.5/2016-04-26) Date: Thu, 23 May 2019 23:59:31 GMT Via: 1.1 vegur <body of HTML page here> Clearly, that additional header that says Authorization: Basic YWRtaW46YWRtaW4= tells us that the browser must've done something with those credentials we gave it. If only we had a way to intercept the unauthorized response, calculate what needs to go into that authorization header, and resend the request before the browser had the chance to prompt us for credentials, we'd be golden. As luck (and technology) would have it, we do have exactly that ability, by using a web proxy. Every browser supports proxies, and Selenium makes it incredibly easy to use them with browsers being automated by it. The next post in this series will outline how to get that set up and working with Selenium.

Dr. Harmony’s Sample Open Relationship Contract

Dr. Harmony’s Sample Open Relationship Contract

The purpose of this contract is for the documentation of negotiated expectations between both parties and by singing this contract, both parties are agreeing to the commitment to these expectations. This is not a legally binding contract. With this are negotiated expectations that will be named below.
The Parties will be known as ________ and ________. Either party only in the event of breach of contract may terminate this agreement at any time before the above named date. On the above named date this agreement will be reviewed, renegotiated and rewritten, or terminated.
I __________________, do of my own free will, and being of sound mind and body, do hereby offer myself in consensual partnership to __________________, hereinafter referred to as Partner A for the period beginning ___________________ and ending ____________________. I __________________, do of my own free will, and being of sound mind and body, do hereby offer myself in consensual partnership to __________________, hereinafter referred to as Partner B for the period beginning ___________________ and ending ____________________.
Section 1: Contract Definitions
1.1. Requests A request is for one partner to do something for the other partner. There is no obligation for a request; it is simply a desire of one partner from the other.
1.2. Bid A bid is an action, behavior, overture, request, etc. for connection from one partner to another.
1.3. Rules A rule is a set of explicit or understood regulation or principles governing conduct within this contract.
1.4. Boundaries Boundaries are negotiated hard limits in this relationship.
1.5. Ritual of Connection A ritual of connection is a ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according to an instructed order that are geared towards connection between partners.
1.6. Protocol A protocol is a system of rules that explain the correct conduct and procedures to be followed in this formal contract.
1.7 Repair The act of reconnection and apology following conflict.
1.8 Love Mapping The act of connection through learning new things about one another and truly understanding who your partner(s) is.
Section 2: Basic Commitment Agreement
2.1. The partners commit to taking responsibility for one another within healthy boundaries. This includes but is not limited the partners’ survival, financial needs, health, and physical and mental well-being.
2.2. Both partners will do everything within their power to facilitate and support growth, education, and making life dreams come true. Partners agree to connect annually in order to discuss this particular topic and establish goals together.
2.3. Both partners agree to a sexually open relationship.
2.4. Both partners agree that there are no secrets in their relationship and that difficult conversations may be addressed in counseling or with one another.
2.5. Both partners agree that they will share their true feelings even if they know it may hurt the other partner. This is under the expectation that both partners agree that they are committed at this time to work through any and all issues.
2.6. Whereas both partners believe that family is important, neither will keep the each other from staying in touch with their family nor will unreasonably withhold trips for each other to visit their family. This expectation covers both chosen and biological family. Should either partner be concerned that a friend or family member may be toxic to the other partner or the relationship, they agree that they will discuss this, and if unable to come to an agreement, will reach out to a neutral party (counselor or elder in community) for arbitration.
2.7. Whereas the partners believe that friends and a social support system is important, neither partner will keep the property from staying in touch with their friends and family support system and will not unreasonably withhold trips or social time for either partner to visit their friends and support system. Should either partner be concerned that a friend may be toxic to the other partner or the relationship, they agree that they will discuss this, and if unable to come to an agreement, with reach out to a neutral party (counselor or elder in community) for arbitration.
2.8. The basic foundation of the contract is trust and commitment. The rituals and protocols are designed to help nurture our mutual trust and commitment.
Section 3: General Expectations of Partners
3.1. Both partners agree that at public events, they will check in with one another to make sure that they are both doing ok.
3.2. The partners accept full responsibility for informing each other of any real or perceived dangers or safety concerns. This can include interference from family or friends, work issues, legal, etc. Both parties agree to voice concerns to one another and accept one another’s influence on these matters.
3.3. Both partners agree that they will make mistakes and will kind to one another when communicating these errors.
3.4. Whereas both parties will be working outside the home, the partners agree to distribute household tasks through a negotiated role system. Please attach the system to contract. 3.5. If a partner is ill, it is the responsibility of the other partner to care for them. The ill partner will be clear on what those care expectations look like. If unsure, defer to making sure that they are able to 1) access medical care and 2) have all the items they need for self-care.
Section 4: Build Love Maps
4.1. Both parties agree that they will strive to learn new information about each other on a regular basis. This is done through daily dialog and unplugging at least 30 minutes per day for partner focused connection.
4.2. Recreational intimacy is important for connection, thus both parties agree to plan two dates nights each per month and will establish a regular schedule for date nights.
Section 5: Share Fondness and Admiration
5.1. Both partners agree that nurturing commitment and love require an active process thus; both parties agree to mindfully express gratitude regularly for their partner’s behaviors, seek outside professional help during challenging times, and commit to working towards repair during difficult times.
5.2. Everything both partners say and do is a reflection of one another. In a larger scale, it also represents the family as a whole. This means that the partners must be mindful of their behaviors and sharing of personal information or relationship conflict to others. This includes, but is not limited to, participation of disrespectful talk about one another to friends or on social media, participation in gossip, and inappropriate behaviors while intoxicated in public.
5.3. Both parties agree to share with one another their admiration for one another weekly through verbalization, text, email, love letters, social media etc.
Section 6: Turn Towards Bids Instead of Away
6.1. Both parties agree to learn how one another makes bids for connection and to let each other know when the other partner misses a bid.
6.2. Both parties will work hard to turn towards as many bids as possible.
Section 7: Building Positive Perspective
7.1. Both partners agree that they have each other’s interest at heart and will give one another the benefit of the doubt when there are communication errors and mistakes. However, should there be a question of poor intent, they agree to ask one another for clarification prior to assuming poor intent.
8: Managing Conflict
8.1. Both partners understand that they will get flooded and upset when they are triggered. The color code system of Green, Yellow and Red will be respected and used when either partner suspects that they or their partner is flooding. However, the topic must be readdressed within 24 hours or with the therapist. It is the responsibility of the partner who called red to follow up on the topic. The follow up may be in writing if it is more comfortable or face-to-face.
8.2. Both partners agree not to start difficult conversations in front of others; past 9 pm at night or while the other partner is ill or hungry.
8.3. Both parties agree to listen to the other’s opinion and accept their partner’s influence on matters, even when it is difficult.
8.4. Both parties agree to not call each other names and avoid contempt, defensiveness, criticism, and stonewalling.
8.5. Both parties agree to attempt a soft start up when having difficult conversations.
Section 9: Repair
9.1. Following conflict, both parties agree to attempt to turn towards repair attempts.
9.2. Repair will vary based on the conflict and needs of each partner and may include: • Special date • Alone time • Letter of apology
Section 10: Create Shared Meaning
10.1. Both parties agree to check in at least quarterly and discuss life goals, needs and plans.
Section 11: Make Life Dreams Come True
11.1. Both parties agree to support one another in their life dreams and work as a team to make them come true.
11.2. Both parties agree to share life dreams with one another and discuss meaning behind them as they come up.
Section 12: Open Relationship Addendum
12.1. During NRE, both partners agree that they will check in with one another to make sure that they are both doing ok weekly.
12.2. Both parties agree to respect their metamours and limit contact during date nights.
12.5. Both partners agree that they will give each other first right of refusal to important events.
12.6. Both parties agree to a hierarchy where they are primary partners.
12.7. Both parties agree to safer sex precautions with the use of barriers such as condoms and dental dams. New sexual partners will be required to get STD testing prior to a sexual relationship starting.
12.8. Should either partner discover an interest in another person, they will discuss it with the primary partner prior and the first date will be a group date.
12.9. A calendar will be made public for all partners so that dates, appointments, special events are noted when scheduling dates.
12.10. All parties agree that should there be conflict, that they will work to resolve the conflict respectfully and if there continues to be a struggle then, they agree to attend therapy to resolve the conflict.
12.11. Disclosure of private relationship topics will be discussed prior to sharing with metamours.
12.12. Both parties agree to avoid triangulation and will not discuss primary partner conflict with metamours.
Section 13: Signatures Partner A_____________________________________ Partner B_____________________________________
open relationship contract

Dr. Harmony’s Sample Relationship Contract

Sample Monogamous Relationship Contract

The purpose of this contract is for the documentation of negotiated expectations between both parties and by singing this contract, both parties are agreeing to the commitment to these expectations. This is not a legally binding contract. With this are negotiated expectations that will be named below. The Parties will be known as ________ and ________. Either party, only in the event of breach of contract, may terminate this agreement at any time before the below named date. On the below named date this agreement will be reviewed, renegotiated and rewritten, or terminated. I __________________, do of my own free will, and being of sound mind and body, do hereby offer myself in consensual partnership to __________________, hereinafter referred to as Partner A for the period beginning ___________________ and ending ____________________.   I __________________, do of my own free will, and being of sound mind and body, do hereby offer myself in consensual partnership to __________________, hereinafter referred to as Partner B for the period beginning ___________________ and ending ____________________.

Section 1: Contract Definitions

1.1. Requests A request is for one partner to do something for the other partner. There is no obligation for a request; it is simply a desire of one partner from the other. 1.2. Bid A bid is an action, behavior, overture, request, etc. for connection from one partner to another. 1.3. Rules A rule is a set of explicit or understood regulations or principles governing conduct within this contract. 1.4. Boundaries Boundaries are negotiated hard limits in this relationship. 1.5. Ritual of Connection A ritual of connection is a ceremony, consisting of a series of actions, performed according to an instructed order, that are geared towards connection between partners. 1.6. Protocol A protocol is a system of rules that explain the correct conduct and procedures to be followed in this formal contract. 1.7 Repair The act of reconnection and apology following conflict. 1.8 Love Mapping The act of connection through learning new things about one another and truly understanding who your partner(s) is.

Section 2: Basic Commitment Agreement

2.1. The partners commit to taking responsibility for one another within healthy boundaries. This includes but is not limited the partners’ survival, financial needs, health, and physical and mental well-being. 2.2. Both partners will do everything within their power to facilitate and support growth, education, and making life dreams come true. Partners agree to connect annually in order to discuss this particular topic and establish goals together. 2.3. Both partners agree to a sexually monogamous relationship. 2.4. Both partners agree that there are no secrets in their relationship and that difficult conversations may be addressed in counseling or with one another. 2.5. Both partners agree that they will share their true feelings even if they know it may hurt the other partner. This is under the expectation that both partners agree that they are committed at this time to work through any and all issues. 2.6. Whereas both partners believe that family is important, neither will keep the other from staying in touch with their family, nor will unreasonably withhold trips for each other to visit their family. This expectation covers both chosen and biological family. Should either partner be concerned that a friend or family member may be toxic to the other partner or the relationship, they agree that they will discuss this, and if unable to come to an agreement, will reach out to a neutral party (counselor or elder in community) for arbitration. 2.7. Whereas the partners believe that friends and a social support system is important, neither partner will keep the property from staying in touch with their friends and family support system and will not unreasonably withhold trips or social time for either partner to visit their friends and support system. Should either partner be concerned that a friend may be toxic to the other partner or the relationship, they agree that they will discuss this, and if unable to come to an agreement, with reach out to a neutral party (counselor or elder in community) for arbitration. 2.8. The basic foundation of the contract is trust and commitment. The rituals and protocols are designed to help nurture our mutual trust and commitment.

Section 3: General Expectations of Partners

3.1. Both partners agree that at public events, they will check in with one another to make sure that they are both doing okay. 3.2. The partners accept full responsibility for informing each other of any real or perceived dangers or safety concerns. This can include interference from family or friends, work issues, legal, etc. Both parties agree to voice concerns to one another and accept one another’s influence on these matters. 3.3. Both partners agree that they will make mistakes and will be kind to one another when communicating these errors. 3.4. Whereas both parties will be working outside the home, the partners agree to distribute household tasks through a negotiated role system. Please attach the system to contract. 3.5. If a partner is ill, it is the responsibility of the other partner to care for them. The ill partner will be clear on what those care expectations look like. If unsure, defer to making sure that they are able to 1) access medical care and 2) have all the items they need for self-care.

Section 4: Build Love Maps

4.1. Both parties agree that they will strive to learn new information about each other on a regular basis. This is done through daily dialog and unplugging at least 30 minutes per day for partner focused connection. 4.2. Recreational intimacy is important for connection, thus both parties agree to plan two dates nights each per month and will establish a regular schedule for date nights.

 Section 5: Share Fondness and Admiration

5.1. Both partners agree that nurturing commitment and love require an active process thus; both parties agree to mindfully express gratitude regularly for their partner’s behaviors, seek outside professional help during challenging times, and commit to working towards repair during difficult times. 5.2. Everything both partners say and do is a reflection of one another. In a larger scale, it also represents the family as a whole. This means that the partners must be mindful of their behaviors and sharing of personal information or relationship conflict to others. This includes, but is not limited to, participation of disrespectful talk about one another to friends or on social media, participation in gossip, and inappropriate behaviors while intoxicated in public. 5.3. Both parties agree to share with one another their admiration for one another weekly through verbalization, text, email, love letters, social media etc.

Section 6: Turn Towards Bids Instead of Away

6.1. Both parties agree to learn how one another makes bids for connection and to let each other know when the other partner misses a bid. 6.2. Both parties will work hard to turn towards as many bids as possible.

Section 7: Building Positive Perspective

7.1. Both partners agree that they have each other’s interest at heart and will give one another the benefit of the doubt when there are communication errors and mistakes. However, should there be a question of poor intent, they agree to ask one another for clarification prior to assuming poor intent.

Section 8: Managing Conflict

8.1. Both partners understand that they will get flooded and upset when they are triggered. The color code system of Green, Yellow and Red will be respected and used when either partner suspects that they or their partner is flooding. However, the topic must be readdressed within 24 hours or with the therapist. It is the responsibility of the partner who called red to follow up on the topic. The follow up may be in writing if it is more comfortable or face-to-face. 8.2. Both partners agree not to start difficult conversations in front of others; past 9 pm at night or while the other partner is ill or hungry. 8.3. Both parties agree to listen to the other’s opinion and accept their partner’s influence on matters, even when it is difficult. 8.4. Both parties agree to not call each other names and avoid contempt, defensiveness, criticism, and stonewalling. 8.5. Both parties agree to attempt a soft start up when having difficult conversations.

Section 9: Repair

9.1. Following conflict, both parties agree to attempt to turn towards repair attempts. 9.2. Repair will vary based on the conflict and needs of each partner and may include:
  • Special date
  • Alone time
  • Letter of apology

Section 10: Create Shared Meaning

10.1. Both parties agree to check in at least quarterly and discuss life goals, needs and plans.

  Section 11: Make Life Dreams Come True

11.1. Both parties agree to support one another in their life dreams and work as a team to make them come true. 11.2. Both parties agree to share life dreams with one another and discuss meaning behind them as they come up.

Section 12: Signatures

Partner A_____________________________________ Partner B_____________________________________     Sample Monogamous Relationship Contract

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

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"If you don’t imagine, nothing ever happens at all." - John Green, Paper Towns

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

Author: Mark Manson
Pages: 212
Category: Self-Help
Publisher: Harper
Publication Date: 2016
Signed? No
First Edition? No

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Description
#1 New York Times Bestseller Over 3 million copies sold In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people. For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected modern society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up. Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek. There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.
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