The security of marriage should allow couples to explore their sexuality and feel comfortable making love to their partner and give them the freedom to do it more often. This is not the case though, as studies find that in many marriages sexual intimacy deteriorates after marriage.
Complacency is the number one reason for this, in my opinion. Couples get comfortable in their relationship; they feel as though they already have the prize so they don’t need to keep playing the game. Women no longer dress attractive to come to bed, they have curlers in their hair and they sleep in sweats, etc. Men stop exercising, shaving and even showering, there is no longer any care as to how they look. Whatever you do though, never criticize your partner’s physical appearance; always find subtle ways to get them to improve. Criticizing will make it worse by lowering their confidence.
If your partner does not find you attractive then chances are the sex will be minimized. If there is any form of intimacy, it will not be out of a natural need and desire to be intimate, it will be out of a sense of duty and there is no pleasure in that. Couples need to take into account the fact that when they marry, they become one with their partner and they should ensure that their partner is being satisfied as well as themselves.
Routine sex is a big turn off; you have sex the same place, time and way once a week and expect to have a good sex life? That is just not logical, relationships need spice, and they need to be worked on and changed up a bit. Even if you have sex in your bed all the time, at least try new positions to break up the monotony and you will see improvement. Writing up a marriage sex contract can be a great way to introduce new things and keep your sex life constant and fresh.
Do not think that because you are married you should fulfill your ‘marital’ duty. Sex is not a chore, it isn’t something you should do out of duty. Making love should be done out of desire and mutual attraction. Let your intimacy flow based on your feelings for each other and you will never go wrong. Sex isn’t only intercourse, if at times you don’t feel like having intercourse but you are feeling a bit in the mood, there is always oral sex. You can give or receive and it is a good way to maintain intimacy in your sex life.
The only time some couples come in contact with each other is when they are having sex. There are no kisses in the mornings when they wake up or hugs when leaving for work. Try touching your partner without the goal of sex in mind and you will be surprised to see what this does for your relationship. Avoid only touching your partner when you want to have sex. Embrace and caress them every now and then.
Foreplay is usually forgotten when a relationship gets to this stage, but it adds to the pleasure for both participants. Spend time pleasuring each other in this way. When a woman gives birth the doctor tells her to place the newborn against her skin as soon as possible and this is because it increases the bonding experience of mother and child. This doesn’t apply to only mother and child so take your clothes off during lovemaking, and get that skin to skin contact with your partner.
Turn off the TV and do not answer your cell phone or emails when being intimate with your spouse. That time is for only the both of you and you should not allow anything to ruin it.