Here’s a list of warm weather activities to try together!
The post Warm Weather Rituals of Connection: Ideas for Couples and Families appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Here’s a list of warm weather activities to try together!
The post Warm Weather Rituals of Connection: Ideas for Couples and Families appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
When you identify as queer but enter into relationships with heterosexual people, or those with of a different gender to your own, it can feel odd to consolidate these two parts of your identity. You’re not straight, but society can perceive you that way – where do you fit in, exactly?
I knew that I wasn’t straight when I was in my teens. I knew that I wasn’t gay either; if we were to go by the Kinsey scale – for all its faults – I’d hover around a 1 or a 2. This was confusing for me to come to terms with. I was surrounded by casual homophobia and toxic masculinity – the sort of “locker room culture” that is so damaging to young men, yet didn’t feel able to really challenge it despite knowing inside that I wasn’t heterosexual.
It was a weird situation where I felt as if I was in some sort of purgatory, drifting in a weird zone between different concrete identities.
Despite identifying as bisexual, the vast majority of my sexual and romantic experiences have been with people who identify as women. This wasn’t ever something I had consciously planned: it’s just so happened that I lean more towards women than men in my attractions and opportunities, and this has been reflected in the makeup of my experiences. As a result, I’ve variously been straight-passing when in relationships with women, and have also had people assume that I am gay when my relationship status hasn’t been disclosed. Regardless of my sexuality not being anyone’s business, this brings in tropes that demonstrate how society often perceives and represents bisexuality.
There often seems to be an assumption that men who say they’re bisexual are actually gay, for example, and that women who say they’re bisexual are actually straight. Is attraction to male bodies considered the default? Those assumptions sure make it sound that way. There’s almost an expectation that eventually, you’ll pick a “side” when such narratives are incredibly damaging. It can make us feel pressured to “pick”, when there’s really no reason why we should need to. A bisexual man could be with a woman his entire life – but that doesn’t for one second mean that he’s straight. Alternatively, he could be with men and men only, and this wouldn’t make him gay if he didn’t identify as such.
Biphobia exists amongst people of every sexual orientation and identity, and it can leave us feeling unsure as to where we fit in. Acquaintances and peers may assume you’re straight if they only see you in relationships with women, and also might assume that you’re down with their casual homophobia. Alternatively, they may think that you’re gay, and trying to come out gradually by identifying as bisexual. The revolutionary notion that you could experience attraction to people of more than one gender isn’t often even considered – people often think in binary terms, and it can be difficult for them to unlearn those patterns of thinking.
The sad reality is that, because of ignorance and bias about bisexuality if you’re open about your queer identity, you may also risk deterring some potential partners. Studies have shown that some straight women perceive bi men as being less attractive than straight men, so it’s easy to see why a queer man in relationships with heterosexual people could feel the need to keep quiet. Unfortunately, it’s perhaps unsurprising that bisexual men are considered to be less attractive by some, as bisexuality can invite connotations of femininity. These ideas are generally rooted in biphobia, and even if your partners don’t realise it, they may harbor certain biphobic ideas like this.
At school, in the locker room, or on the field, young men are constantly policing each other in terms of expressing masculinity, and at a time often when insecurities are often at their highest, it can be hard to come to terms with your sexuality on top of that. Particularly if you’re treated as one of the guys, you may be worried that coming out will change how you’re treated, whether or not you have any sort of romantic or sexual attraction to your friends.
How many queer men have had a conversation with male friends that’s gone something like, “It doesn’t bother me that you’re, you know, bi or whatever – just as long as you don’t try anything with me!” or, “You’re cool – you’re not one of those gays who are like, ‘in your face’ about it”? A stereotype remains that bisexual people are hypersexual, and want to sleep with anything that moves – it can get to the point where you’re telling friends of the same gender that actually, you aren’t even attracted to them in the first place, which can be pretty awkward.
Growing up, dating, and entering into relationships while bisexual can be an absolute minefield. While bisexuality forms only part of your identity, it can often feel as if people see your sexuality before they see you as a whole person. In short, don’t shy away from owning your identity. Whether you identify as bisexual, queer or even questioning – you shouldn’t hide who you are.
Talk to your partners – Although it’s not your responsibility to educate them, if your partners ever harbor biphobic or heteronormative ideas, it can be beneficial to try and talk things through. Tell them how you feel: they may not understand what it’s like to be in your shoes. They might not even be aware of their own biphobia at all, so this can be a good starting point.
Be open about your identity (where and when it’s safe for you to do so) – Work on being proud and confident in who you are. Embrace your identity, as ultimately your partners should love and respect you for who you are, your bisexuality very much included. Rather than locking away parts of yourself, it’s always better to be open and honest about yourself. Essentially, if your partner doesn’t accept your sexual orientation, they probably aren’t right for you. You can start the discussion around intersectionality, looking at both your own identities and those of your partner.
Encourage your friends and partners to be open with you – Maybe your friends want to become better-informed, or have questions or worries. It’s best if you can be open with each other, and that includes them opening up to you. Conflict is a healthy element of all relationships – what matters is how you handle it.
Address your own internal biases – Internalized biphobia is a real thing experienced by many bisexual individuals, not just men. Is your internalized biphobia stopping you from expressing yourself fully? This is a journey that you and your friends, family or partner might be able to travel on together. As you grow and unlearn ideas, the people around you may be able to do the same.
* What is Depression?
Depression is a disorder, engaged in a person ís body, mood and thoughts. It can influence and interrupts eating, sleeping or judging manner. It is different from unhappiness or a down feeling. It is also not an indication of personal flaws or a condition that can be motivated or wanted away.
Persons with this disorder cannot just gather themselves together and get well. Usually, treatment is important and significantly vital to healing.
* Are there different types of depression?
Yes, there are actually three primary types of depression. Most of these are established by how ominous the signs are. They are:
Major depression This is the most serious type of mood disorder based on the number of signs and austerity of symptoms. It has become a severe health disorder and significant health concern in this country.
Manic depression This type involves both high and low mood swings. It also indicates other major symptoms not found in other depression types.
Dysthymia depression identifies the low to moderate level of depression that continues for about two years and sometimes longer. Though the symptoms are not as serious as a major depression, they more lasting and defiant to healing. People with this type develop a major depression for a moment when depressed.
* What is major depression?
This is the most serious type of depression. More symptoms found in this depression that are usually severe and serious.
Sometimes, it can be an effect from a particular disturbing incident in your life or it may develop gradually because of various personal frustrations and life struggles. Some people seem to develop the signs of a major depression with no apparent life problems.
Major depression can happen once, because of a major emotional trauma, react to healing, and will not happen again as long as you live. This is normally what they called a single episode depression.
Some people are inclined to have habitual depression, with events of depression followed by periods of a number of years without depression, followed by another one, typically in reaction to another distress. This would be continuing depression.
Usually, the healing is similar, but that healing normally is over a longer period for continuing depression.
* What is Postpartum depression?
Postpartum depression can vary from temporary “blues” following childbirth to serious, unbearable and emotional depression.
Postpartum depression signs are just the same to those experienced by other depressives, involving desperate belief, feelings of despair, low self-confidence, and constant fatigue and mood changes.
It can be healed successfully as long as the mother and her support group identify the warning symptoms and examine them with considerate clinical experts. While some psychological occurrences and depressive feelings might be completely normal, constant feeling of unimportance or desperate views are not.
The secret to healing is to be honest with what you feel during each postpartum meeting with your physician.
* What is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a mood disorder felt by most people during Winter months. It is characterized by a seasonal depression, the down feeling, a longing to sleep for too long and habitual desire for starchier foods.
The signs of SAD normally start in the late Fall where there is already less daytime. It may not start subside until late winter or spring.
Symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder include:
* What is bipolar depression?
Bipolar depression, also identified as manic depression, is categorized as a type of affective disorder or mood disorder that happens during life ís normal difficulties. It can become a severe clinical condition. It is a significant health concern in the United States. This is distinguished by irregular episodes of acute excitement, elevated mood, or bad temper (also referred to as mania) opposed episodic, common depressive signs.
RSE Day promises to buzz and hum with activity, bringing schools, families and communities together around the joint project of celebrating excellent Relationships and Sex Education.
The day will fly by at speed. It will be exciting to see the new resources that have been produced, selfies and book choices that are shared and to hear about the RSE activities taking place nationwide.
Before the wave of activity sweeps us along, let’s take a moment to reflect and remember that RSE is first and foremost about meeting the needs of children and young people. RSE Day itself is guided by a set of principles and top of the list is the fact that RSE helps keep children safe – this is based on evidence.
With evidence at the core of what we do at the Sex Education Forum, we are proud to release an infographic summarising the impact of RSE on young people’s health and wellbeing, young people’s preference to learn about sex from school, parents and health professionals and a reminder of the overwhelming consensus of support for RSE.
Research evidence shows that RSE is more effective when home and school are involved, and RSE Day is all about encouraging everyone to have a role. Communication between people is the key. Perhaps you will be opening up new questions and conversations on RSE Day, asking children and young people how RSE can be improved or asking families to choose love themed books to read together. Involving people with different roles, and of different ages, and supporting life-long learning is something that RSE Day activities can help set in motion.
Sometimes people will disagree about the choice of a resource to use in RSE, or how and if to answer a child’s question. People’s choices of favourite books about love will be wide-ranging too. The task for RSE is clear though; to educate children and young people about healthy relationships and positive sexual health, and in doing so to meet the child’s need to feel safe, to feel included and be respected. Adult differences must be put aside to make sure this is our common priority.
Excellent RSE should also be enjoyable and useful. Through the stresses and strains of the Covid-19 pandemic the relevance of RSE is striking. Friendships, family dynamics, intimate relationships and social interactions have entered new territory. RSE Day 2020 is an opportunity to learn from each other at a very particular moment. In 10 weeks time, Relationships Education, RSE and Health Education will become statutory in schools across England, making 2020 a landmark year for RSE. Today we can keep it simple: have a conversation, share a book, ask a question and enjoy RSE Day!
Director, Sex Education Forum
25 June 2020
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The children’s author and illustrator Olly Pike and author and television presenter Janet Ellis, are among celebrities sharing the books they love about love to mark RSE Day 2020 on 25th June.
RSE Day, coordinated by the Sex Education Forum in partnership with Nottingham City Council, encourages everyone to consider their role in promoting healthy relationships and positive sexual health – whether as a parent or carer, an educator, a faith leader, a councillor, a health practitioner, a friend or family member.
Influencers and celebrities will be taking to social media, as the nation is invited to share their favourite books that have a story to tell about positive relationships, using the hashtags #RSEday and #RSEtogether.
Olly Pike has been noted as one to watch on the Independent on Sunday’s “Rainbow List”. His YouTube channel has had over 1 million views and his books are currently being used in UK classrooms and beyond.
Schools will be playing their part in RSE Day, with relationships themed activities taking part in classrooms and via online learning across the country.
Parents’ participation is just as vital, and a pack of activities has been distributed that parents can use to start valuable conversations with children and young people at home.
In Nottingham, RSE Day will feature online creative workshops exploring healthy relationships; with poetry, visual arts, music and dance online lessons, creative challenges and short story and picture book readings. Celebrations in the city will be supported by CBeebies star Sid Sloane.
The Sex Education Forum will announce winners of the RSE Teaching Awards, recognising the achievements of staff in primary, secondary and special schools, as well as the most effective adaption of RSE during the Covid-19 pandemic.
Lucy Emmerson, Director of the Sex Education Forum, said:
‘It’s a landmark year for RSE. From September, the subject becomes a guaranteed part of every child’s education. So it is a perfect moment for everyone to think about healthy relationships, and how education at school can complement learning in the home and within our communities, so that children and young people get the information they need. It’s easy to show your support for RSE, just share a book that really speaks to you about love and let’s get the conversation started.’
Catherine Underwood, Corporate Director for People at Nottingham City Council, said:
“RSE Day is a really important event in our school calendar. Good RSE can equip young people with facts they can trust, helping to keep them safe and preventing them from turning to playground gossip or dubious information online. It is important that children and young people are given the opportunity to explore a range of family and relationship types in a way that is supportive, inclusive and affirms children’s different experiences of family life.”
You can download useful resources, including tips for schools and parents on getting involved here.
On social media use #RSEday #RSEtogether @RSE_day and @Sex_Ed_Forum
Notes to editors
For urgent enquiries out of office-hours call: 07721 097 033.
About Olly Pike
Olly Pike is a children’s author and illustrator, LGBT+ Youtuber, and Director of Pop’n’Olly LTD.
Olly has been noted as one to watch on the Independent on Sunday’s “Rainbow List”, Olly has since spoken at London City Hall and Parliament, regarding Children’s Rights and Mental Health in relation to LGBT+ Education. He also shared his work at Stonewalls ‘Education for All’ 2017 Conference. Olly was shortlisted for a ‘National Diversity Award’ in 2017 for his LGBT+ educational work. His YouTube channel has had over 1 million views and his books are currently being used in UK classrooms and beyond.
Olly’s experience in children’s entertainment ranges from playing ‘Wiley Sneak’ in the BAFTA winning CBBC Television show ‘Trapped’ and ‘Trapped: Ever After’, to numerous theatrical productions including West End credits and regular appearances in Pantomime.
About Janet Ellis
Janet Ellis is an English television presenter, actor and writer, who is best known for presenting the children’s television programmes Blue Peter and Jigsaw between 1979 and 1987. She has published two novels, The Butcher’s Hook (2016) and How It Was (2019).
About RSE Day
RSE Day is the original idea of Nottingham City Council. The first RSE day took place on 28 June 2018. To build on the success of the first RSE day, Nottingham City Council is working in partnership with the Sex Education Forum to increase the profile of the day across the country.
The overall aim of RSE Day is to improve the quality and reach of relationships and sex education provided for children and young people by celebrating good practice RSE on an annual national day. Good quality RSE needs to happen all year round, with a planned curriculum, but 25 June 2020 is an opportunity to start new conversations and share what you are doing with others.
For more information visit: www.sexeducationforum.org.uk/resources/rse-day-25-june-2020
About the Sex Education Forum
The Sex Education Forum, part of the National Children’s Bureau, is the national authority on relationships and sex education (RSE). We believe that good quality RSE is an entitlement for all children and young people and we are working with our partners, who all support statutory RSE and include local authorities, children’s, religious, health and family organisations, to achieve this.
For further information visit: www.sexeducationforum.org.uk
About the National Children’s Bureau
For more than 50 years, the National Children’s Bureau has worked to champion the rights of children and young people in the UK. We interrogate policy and uncover evidence to shape future legislation and develop more effective ways of supporting children and families. As a leading children’s charity, we take the voices of children to the heart of Government, bringing people and organisations together to drive change in society and deliver a better childhood for the UK. We are united for a better childhood.
For more information visit www.ncb.org.uk
More and more people are reporting incidents of domestic violence to the police. If you are a victim of domestic violence you will be aware of just how frightening it can be. The question that many people ask is what are the causes of this violence, is the person just a lunatic or are there other reasons behind it.
According to the latest reports alcohol has a large part to play in leading to cases of domestic violence. In the example of a husband hitting his wife when he is drunk, this is typically what can happen. For the sake of making this article easier to read, I shall call the husband John and his wife Linda.
John is a really nice guy when sober. Linda is very much in love with him and hopes that they will grow old together. John is a great father to their two children, is helpful around the house and is a great cook. The problem occurs after he has had rather too much to drink. John now becomes a whole different person, he starts to accuse his wife of having an affair, becomes abusive and very argumentative. Linda realizing he is drunk attempts to walk away to leave John to his bad mood, this only adds however to his anger and he starts to become violent.
The next morning John can not believe what he has done and is full of regret and remorse. He can not say sorry enough and begs for Linda’s forgiveness. He promises that it will never happen again and states that he will give up the alcohol if that would make his wife happy.
Linda is not sure what to do, she would love to forgive and forget but feels that it is very likely that it only happen again in the future if she does.
In many cases people like Linda will forgive their partner or husband a number of times before eventually losing patience with them.
My advice for John would be to stop drinking alcohol straight away. This seems to be the cause of all of these problems, therefore you need to find something else to have an interest in.
Another cause of domestic violence is known to be depression. Some people who are normally very relaxed can become very angry and abusive when in a deep state of depression. They can take their problems and frustrations out on their partner much like in the example above.
A few days or weeks later when the person in question is feeling a lot happier, they will not believe what they have done.
Whether it is because of depression or alcohol, one solution to this domestic violence problem could be to attend some form of anger management program, that is for people like John.
Imagine that you are already in your college days and still you can’t find a date. Or even asking someone for a date is a misery for you. In short, you find it hard to approach women and lacks confidence in yourself.
Seduction techniques in this new millennium are on the rise. Seduction techniques can greatly help guys who find it hard to get the women they always wanted. So it is never a problem now. Seduction as thought by many is not wrong. You are just simply studying the best techniques that will make dating and picking up easier. Seduction techniques in the other hand are simply getting to know and basically mastering the proper ways of attracting women.
But did you know that seduction techniques are not just for men? It is also most useful too for women. These are the women who have been waiting to get noticed by their special men. Well it is indeed nowadays, a perfect help that life has to offer. Not that it is offering easy tactics on how to collect men or women but making it easier to enjoy life and find that perfect mate. Seduction techniques are commonly practiced by people who are not well skilled in terms of attracting the opposite sex. Not that they are ugly or what, but there are just people who needs seduction techniques to boost their self-esteem and develop confidence in themselves. Seduction techniques are therefore not as bad as other think of unless you are using it to enhance the inner skills that humans usually possess.
Seduction techniques are not generally focused on developing your tactics on attracting the opposite sex. It can also be very helpful in businesses. Like for example, you are a car salesman. And you find it very hard to approach prospective clients. You are wasting your time and effort on studying how to deal with them when you can actually make business with them. Seduction technique is one great help. You wouldn’t imagine how it can greatly affect your sales by simply practicing the principles used in seduction techniques.
Job seekers can also benefit from seduction techniques. While on interview, you can mesmerize the interviewer with the tactics that you have learned in seduction techniques. Not that you are inviting them to indulge into sexual activities, but you can impress them with the way you are boosting your self. Seduction techniques can tame any roaring beasts.
Seduction technique in general is an absolute solution for losers, men and women who possess low self-esteem, job seekers and even businessmen. People who are in immense need for help, in terms of capturing the hearts of the people they always wanted will be overwhelmed if they discover the wonder of the so-called seduction technique. So go, and share the seduction technique to your friends whom you know are suffering from different encumbrance in their lives. You can absolutely be of great help in solving the miseries of their own lives.
In business, we refer to the word “fires,” a lot of times. These are fires that happen,not literal fires, but things that need to be taken care of. A fire could anything that someone else thinks is really important and they come to you, and try to throw it on you as your problem because when you have ADD, you’re probably good at putting fires out.
You may say, Oh, let me go take care of that because when you have ADD, you have a tendency to want to control things. But you can find people that will work for you to put out fires, to take care of interruptions. Stop your ADD brain from the fear of losing control. There are wonderful people out there that specialize in taking care of certain types of problems. Though your ADD may tell you that you need to be on top of everything, you don’t.
Here’s an example: If you regularly run into unexpected technological problems in your business, perhaps you have found a few people that are very good at responding, at lightning speed, and fixing any problems that you might run into with any of your websites. But maybe they’re not particularly good at keeping ahead of those problems on their own, given their own devices. If you just say, ìHere, monitor this and make sure it stays okay, they may not be good at that. If a problem goes unnoticed, it just causes a bigger problem. You still have to manage your delegates, so you can put your ADD mind at ease. Even when you delegate tasks, you are still in control.
Putting out fires is a symptom of systems–or a lack of them–and it’s that ADD fear of losing control. Even if you have people working for you, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to manage whatever the task is, stuff still happens. Some of the people that are best at putting out fires actually are ADD types. People with ADD are good at switching gears. People with ADD are good at changing directions. And though some would call it “being distracted,” people with ADD are good at allowing their minds to switch from one thing to another and taking care of something when it needs to be taken care of.
Most ADD people try to go one way or the other. Some have extremely strict policies about when they’re going to make appointments, how they’re going to do it, and are very strict, which allows for zero flexibility. Their ADD has them terrified of losing control. Yet, if something comes up, they’re in trouble. Rigidity can cause a lot of anxiety.
Or, it flips to the other side of, Oh I guess I’ll just look at this open calendar for the week, and whatever comes up, comes up. While that’s not what people say consciously, that’s generally what they tend to do. It’s one end of the pendulum to the other.
But you don’t have to be that rigid to control your ADD. You can have a flexible calendar. You can get all these things in. You can have the fires as they come up, if you need to, and you can deal with some of these things and manage your ADD.
It’s all about expectation–what other people are expecting of you. If you are always available to put out fires and your ADD has you always wanting to be in control, then people will expect you to always be available to put out fires. Oh my gosh, We’ve got to pay this bill right away! Oh my gosh, we’re running out of money! Oh my gosh, a customer is calling and they’re upset. Oh my gosh, we have to do this refund.
You may have to put up a sign that says, Use your own brain, mine is busy.î If you don’t have people that are coming in, you still have phone interruptions, and fires, and so on. It’s about NOT setting the expectation. If you don’t set people up to expect things from you, they won’t.
Depression is a serious medical condition that can affect anyone. Men, women and children are all susceptible to this disease which can have devastating effects on someone’s daily life. Depression can come on suddenly, for no reason, or it might follow a traumatic experience such as a death or some other traumatic experience.
Symptoms of depression can interfere with a person’s ability to work, sleep, study and enjoy life in a fruitful way. If you find that these symptoms persist for more than a few weeks you should discuss it with your doctor. The symptoms to look for include: sadness, irritability, no interest in hobbies and activities which once were loved, hopelessness, problems sleeping, fatigue, thoughts of suicide or death, feelings of guilt and significant weight change.
Once these symptoms start affecting the way you live your life, it’s time to seek help. M.I., who has had depression on and off for many years says, “I never really knew what was wrong with me. I would have these bouts with trying to cope with life, but all I would end up doing is staying sad and crying all the time. I couldn’t see any way out of what I was dealing with in my life, but I’m glad I hung in there. Being able to find out what was wrong with me and knowing that I could get treatment for it changed my life.”
Depression can also affect the physical health of a person, which is a symptom that is often overlooked. I. A., a depression sufferer shares, “I would get these pains in my arms, shoulder and hands. My doctor told me that he couldn’t find anything wrong. Nothing wrong with my bones or my joints, but the pains never seemed to go away. Now I know it was related to the depression.”
No one knows what exactly causes depression, but some believe it might be caused by an imbalance of certain chemicals in the brain, and in that instance you and your doctor might decide that you need to take antidepressants. One form of depression called “Seasonal Affective Disorder” (SAD) uses light therapy as treatment since it’s thought that a lack of sunlight during certain times of the year could be a cause.
If you think depression might be entering your life, don’t wait to get help. There is nothing wrong with asking questions and trying to get help. Many people are too afraid or feel guilty about asking for help for depression. A lot of the world still thinks that depression is “just the blues” or just a person feeling down. Depression is a very real medical condition that is just as valid as having a broken bone that would need to be treated.
“A reluctance to get help can lead to years of disability and not having a good and happy life,” says B.D., “I could have gotten help a long time ago, but I waited for about ten years before taking action. I thought I should have been a person strong enough to beat depression on my own. I sure wish I had made the move toward help instead of waiting.”
Remember, depression is a treatable condition that can get better. You need to take the steps to get the help you need.